


Dick Pics for Christmas

by MsCaptainWinchester (rons_pigwidgeon)



Series: 25 Days of Spideypool Christmas 2020 [8]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Bored Peter Parker, Christmas Card, Christmas Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27987402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rons_pigwidgeon/pseuds/MsCaptainWinchester
Summary: Peter is bored enough to look for dick pics* on his Insta dms when Wade saves him with a little holiday adventure.*No actual dick pics were harmed (or taken) in the making of this fic.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: 25 Days of Spideypool Christmas 2020 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2025320
Comments: 6
Kudos: 141





	Dick Pics for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Second day in a row the fic I was meaning to post did not in fact get finished in time to post. This fic was started at 8:15pm. It is currently 10:55pm.

Snow always made things slow down in the city. Peter _hated_ it. He was perched up on the corner of a building, scrolling his Spidey twitter in hopes of finding anyone that might need help and finding nothing but requests for stunt videos and selfies. If nothing more pressing popped up, he was going to start dming people for corners to meet on for a selfie parade, because this was getting ridiculous. His butt was getting cold.

“SPI-DEY BA-BY, stay where you are! I’m coming up!” Yelled from 20 stories below, Wade’s words nearly shocked Peter off the roof. He looked down to find Wade pulling down the ladder for the fire escape and ascending to meet him on the roof.

“I thought you were in Libya,” Peter called down.

“Finished the job early. Had to rush back so I didn’t miss keeping my favorite super-more-than-friends warm on these cold winter nights.”

Peter rubbed at his face with a sigh. It would be wonderful if Wade didn’t shout about their sex life to the entirety of 3rd Avenue at 10pm on a Wednesday. The whole city already knew he was teaming up with Deadpool. They didn’t need to know he occasionally rolled around with him on a rooftop garden or eight, too, thanks. “I have a heater in my suit,” Peter reminded him.

“Not the same, hot buns. Not the same,” Wade assured him as he climbed over the edge of the roof, panting. Peter watched him flail onto his back and stare up at the black sky like he was a 90-year-old winded from crossing the street.

“You didn’t have to hurry so fast. I don’t have anywhere to go.” He flung an arm out to indicate the city. “There’s nothing happening tonight. Nothing. I looked on twitter. I went into my insta dms. Do you know what kind of a cesspool that is?”

Wade rolled over onto his stomach and propped his chin up on his hands, kicking his feet above him like a teen girl at a sleepover. “How many dick pics you get?”

Peter grumbled under his breath. “Not enough. It’s kind of insulting? They know I’m bi. Am I not hot enough for dick pics?”

“You know what I think of that.” Wade gave his butt an appreciative look and held his hands up in front of him like he was framing the view.

“Yeah well, tell that to the population of New York. I was thinking about dming people for corners to meet for selfies. Please tell me you have something you need help with.”

“Oh baby, I have so many things I need help with.” The tone said they were all sexual, which Peter wouldn’t have said no to, but then Wade popped up onto his feet and held his hand out to help Peter up as well. “Actually, there is something kind of important you could help me with,” he said.

Peter let himself be tugged closer, assuming this was something sexual and not opposed. “Yeah, what’s that?” he asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Just a little side project. How you feel about a web-ride over to Rockefeller Center?”

Peter shrugged, not sure what that had to do with possibly getting down, but ready to go anywhere to get moving again. He turned around and crouched for Wade to climb on his back without asking further questions.

Swinging downtown took no time at all, and Peter was setting them down on top of the Michael Kors store. “Rockefeller Center, as asked,” Peter said, still not sure what they were doing there. Ahead of them, the giant Christmas tree was lit with so many lights it made Peter’s eyes hurt a little. He loved the holidays, but Christmas lights could really do a number on his eyes.

Wade walked over to the edge of the roof and jumped down, the sound of his ankles breaking quickly followed by the alarmed yell of a few tourists nearby. “I’m okay!” Wade yelled back at them. Peter dropped down next to him, helping him steady for the minute it took for the bones to heel.

“I could have just swung you down, idiot,” he said.

“Eh, PO-TATE-O, PO-TAT-O,” he said with a shrug. He limp-led Peter towards the skating rink, closed for the night already.

“I’m not helping you break into the skating rink,” Peter told him.

“You definitely would, but that’s not what I need help with.” From what could only be a Mary Poppins pouch, he pulled out a Santa hat and tugged it onto his head. He then pulled out a second one and handed it to Peter, who took it apprehensively. “I didn’t take my holiday card picture yet. Thought you might want in on the action?”

Peter looked from the Santa hat in his hands up to Wade and back again. “You want me to be in your holiday card? I didn’t even know you sent those out.”

“Oh yeah, got a list as long as my arm. Gotta send out the annual update to all my faithful followers. How else will they know how many exotic places I’ve been to and who I killed there?”

Peter jerked away from him with a hard look, but he started protesting before Peter could yell at him. “Joking! That was a joke. It _used_ to be that. Now it’s mostly the fun and exotic places I go to when you send me dick pics.”

“I haven’t sent you any—” Peter cut himself off, recognizing that he was being messed with. He narrowed his eyes and tugged the hat on his head.

“Perfect! Okay, here we go, selfie time!” Wade pulled him close with their backs to the ice rink and the giant tree directly behind it and held up his phone, somehow already on the camera app and ready to take their picture even though Wade hadn’t had it in his hand two seconds before. Peter let him pose them just the way he wanted without complaint, a little exasperated but also flattered Wade wanted him in his holiday card. “Say Dick Pic!” Wade declared, making Peter belly laugh just as he took the picture.

The result was a series of pictures with Wade clearly grinning through his mask while Peter slowly curled into him, laughing. Peter looked through them shaking his head. “God, dick pics, like we aren’t in the middle of Rockefeller Center. You’re an idiot,” Peter told him, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek anyway.

Unbeknownst to him, Wade took another picture at just the right moment. He wasn’t even mad when the picture showed up in a holiday card frame on his door a week later.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not consent to my stories being listed on Goodreads or other book platforms.
> 
> If you want writing updates from me, you can follow me on Twitter [@RonsPigwidgeon](https://twitter.com/RonsPigwidgeon), [Tumblr](https://mscaptainwinchester.tumblr.com/), [NewTumbl](https://mscaptainwinchester.newtumbl.com/), or [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/MsCaptainWinchester).
> 
> And if you'd like to come yell about my main ship, Spideypool, with me, join the 18+ Discord server I co-mod, [Isn't It Bromantic](https://discord.gg/w6UyAn7)!


End file.
